I am not really sure how i missed it, but i did. Josh Brown posted one of the most real and authentic blog posts I’ve read in a long time. And I am not sure how in the heck I missed it. Here is part of it, but click here for the rest.
“I can’t sleep these days. I lay in bed for at least an hour every night. Sometimes 2 or more hours. This is after I’ve turned off the lights, shut down the computer, and closed my book. I lay there. Heavy. Overwhelmed. And thinking. I can’t quit thinking about my over-consumption. I talk about how much I can’t stand materialism and commercialism . . . but I buy right in. And I’ve come to the sad realization that all my talk about sustainability and what little acts that I do are nothing more than token attempts at appeasing my guilt and to make me feel better because I’m “not as bad as that person”.
I’m giving up beer for a while. I’m fasting from beer because I am a saint. Who else gives up beer? Nobody but me. But even if I only have a couple of beers a week, that’s over $500 a year. More than what 40% of the people in the world make as income. I’m giving up beer. I am a saint. In it’s place, I’m sitting in a coffee shop with espresso machines whirring away and sipping on a $4.00 strawberry/banana smoothie. I am a hypocrite. I am the antagonist.
When I can’t sleep because I’m tossing and turning and crying thinking about all the poor people in the world, I turn on my $300 iPod and allow music and Wendell Berry essays to lull me to sleep. I am a saint. I am a hypocrite. I am running from my guilty thoughts.
I share 5% of my income to global small businesses via Kiva. 80% of the people I support through Red Cowboy are women. And all of them are in the third world. I’ve made 39 loans while the average user only has 2.4. I am a saint. Oh wait . . . I have a $2300 computer that’s 2 years old and I need a new one. A $1000 camera. And countless other little pieces of metal with little wires and little circuits. I am a hypocrite. I am full of shit.”
thanks man..and I mean that sincerely!!
don’t miss the part where Josh says, “Don’t mess with me! I give money to the poor. I pay extra to get our electricity from “green energy”. Come! Come follow me. Downward mobility is the way to go. But wait . . . I am not going downward. I’m accessorizing my middle mobility. This is not change I am doing. This is not life that I’m creating. I’m perpetuating a myth. I’m soothing my guilt. I am the great politicizer.”